The secret to habits
We create our habits, and then our habits create us
How does that make you feel? I bet it makes you want to look at those habits again, doesn’t it?
What defines a habit? Something you do often. If you keep doing it, then it’s a habit irrespective of the cause.
Let’s take Mr. A! He has a habit of being tardy but he always says “It’s not my fault”. One day it was because he woke up late, the next time it was traffic, the other time it was his son who needed to go to the hospital. The reason kept changing, but the result stayed the same… he was tardy, and since he repeated that pattern, it was a habit.
I am in the habit of drinking water first thing after I wake up. I have done it so much that even when I had no electricity and my generator was bad that I couldn’t pump water, I would buy the water I needed the previous night against the next morning. I did that because it was and still is a habit.
Write this down:
If you keep doing it, it is a habit whether you feel you are in control of it
Types of habits
From my point of view, there are conscious and unconscious habits. I will not call them good or bad habits because a conscious habit can be useful or harmful and so can an unconscious habit.
What differentiates these two is the intent at the time you started the habit. A conscious habit is something you intend to stick to it. An example can be exercising. Nobody says “let me just run today and I’ll leave it alone” No! Everyone who picks up those winning shoes for the first time is hoping they can do it again tomorrow and the day after. So when the person succeeds, they are satisfied with themselves because they wanted that.
Another person can decide to be ruthless because when they are nice, people take advantage of them. So they frown and hope they can frown the next day and the day after. Should they succeed, well they got what they wanted, right? So it’s conscious.
Unconscious habits are things that become a part of us, even though we didn’t originally plan it so. ‘Biting nails’ falls under this category. The first time I bit my nails, I didn’t intend to do it the day after of course not! But I let it slip in there and it stuck for years. Recently I found that science says intelligent people are in the habit of biting their nails because they have a snack for detail and it is a subconscious need to keep the nails perfect… that’s a story for another day.
That late-night snack is an unconscious habit because the first time it was done, it wasn’t because we wanted it to continue, but somehow it did and now it’s a thing.
Basically, a habit can be great or not great. If it’s affecting aspects of your life negatively, then you want to revisit it even if it started out great!
Creating/Stopping a habit
Many times it feels as though our habits are out of our control, especially if they are unconscious, but there is no such thing as ‘out of control’. Habits seat in the subconscious mind so that you can spend your time doing other things while the subconscious carries the habit out on autopilot. If you are in the habit of saying 'Thank you' when someone does something nice for you, or you are like me who replies 'Thank you' with 'Thank you’, then you won’t feel so out of control even though you can’t help but say thank you… that because we are discussing a habit that serves us. But most times we talk about habit, it’s about those things we don’t like and would want to change. So how do we do it?
Waking up to a habit means that your conscious mind catches it before the subconscious executes it, either before or during. And this is the first step. And this is the part I must tell you:
The surest way to get rid of a bad habit is by replacing it
… and no, it’s not a simple task. It requires willpower not to mention time.
Choose
The new habit that is replacing the previous habit must not be physical. It can be thought of because it is the thought of the habit that will trigger it once your conscious has become aware. So you are to choose your new habit which is going to replace the previous one and when you find yourself about to, or in the middle of acting out the previous habit, hold the thought of the new habit… and act it out. Keep the mind busy.
Affirm
Creating habits may seem easy, especially when they are unconscious… so the way to counter them is to make the new habit unconscious as well, but it’ll be harder because now you are overriding. So affirmations become great for pushing the new you into your subconscious mind and every action you take in the new direction affirms your new self. Buy a running shoe, take a different route to work so you don’t see those donuts; smile the next time you want to lose your temper. Affirm the new you.
Visualize
Even though sitting still for at least fifteen minutes while seeing the new you in your mind's eye is great, that’s not what I mean explicitly. What I mean by 'visualize' is that you should put things around you that will aid the fruition of the new you. If you want to eat healthier, then chuck the fruits on the table where you can see them. Let your workout clothes be the first thing you see as you open your closet. Watch comedies if you want to have a lighter outlook on life. Keep those things you want to become around you and your mind’s eye will be filled with them and gradually but surely.
Conclusion
Habits are a beautiful thing. They are our mind’s way of making things easier for us. But like everything else our mind does, we have to be in control in order to get the best results. When we have done our job right, we will enjoy the ease as we have created habits worthy of us. We wouldn’t need to worry about the results we get because we have created a good foundation. And with conscious habits, we have the time to put our minds to better use and truly create the experiences we wish to have. It’s better that way.
Remember: we make our habits and then our habits make us.
