Love, Monogamy, and the right to other people’s rights…
yeah I know… weird title
There’s always a name for these things…before I came back here to ‘keypad’ down this article, I had no clue what polyamory was. That being said, I always saw the concept of showing love and affection to one person forever a bit backward… yeah you are free to sue me on that. Of course these are not the kind of thoughts you put out there because it’s wrong. Jesus wouldn’t say such right? Still it was a view in my mind and it felt valid to me.
I am a firm believer in some weird sh*t like re-incarnation and parallel universes. I have come to know for myself that the Songs of Solomon (that’s a ‘porn’ book in the Bible by the way) was referring to the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious mind but that’s talk for another day. My point is, I have all these weird ideas and then I see that some great minds also pondered them eons ago; kinda makes me feel cool but for now back to polyamory.
I like honesty, I love giving and I love doing what makes me happy (such as watching comedies). I believe that there are people whom you may meet and have an instant connection (love at first sight never happened to me but other connections have), it may be explained that you met them in a previous life or have the same personality type or whatever…but there are those people. It should be noted that this connection may be friendly or hostile; it could swing anyway…but anyways, let’s move on.
Society has created standards, the Bible has standards, our parents gave us rules, school, church, our teacher, our boss, our wife, our government… every f***ing external entity and organization has rules…not to mention the ones we have set for ourselves and others. The thing about rules and standards is that there is absolutely no rule that serves everybody 100%. Okay we should not kill. Tell that to the zen soldier in the heat of battle. You get the point.
However, there are values that move humanity forward such as love. Yeah that’s about it…love. You can decide to say forgiveness, kindness and any other thing you want to ad but love I see is the base for all these other humane concepts. The bible says that Gd judges the heart. The Bible lets us know that faith is the language God understands and fear is to be done away with. Forgive me if you are not christian. I don’t even know why I am using the bible in this paragraph but the point is that these things are universal. If you ac in faith and not fear, life will open up for you. If you act in love, life will open up for you. What do I mean by life opening up for you?
Everybody has a unique path and everyone finds that path in doing what makes them feel good from a place of love. If you are angry at a person for whatever reason and you want to insult them and make it hurt, in that moment, you feel that would make you feel better but are you doing it from a place of love? That being said, if you find a way to do what makes you happy from a place of love, you will consistently find that life unfold for you in a way that feels like you are in a movie — like everything has been written for you and you are a character in a wonderful world of exploration. Even if the world is tumbling around you, you will hold your head up because, just like in a movie, the hero always ends up alright irrespective of the situations around. Does it feel like I am digressing? yes polyamory!
Do you know that for some people, love means physical gifts? So if I buy a pair of watch for my wife and buy a similar pair of watch for another lady, society will frown. For another person, love is the time spent with each other so once that time is shortened, the other person you are spending time with is a home-wrecker. For the third person, love is sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! perhaps for everybody on some level. But why is that? Oh there’s the forth person who sees love as granting requests so the day you say no to them for any reason, you no longer love them.
In all these scenarios, the victim is not the person who is showing ‘love’ to an external party outside their committed relationship, the victim is the person who has had their definition of love shattered. The heartbreak is real and the person could fall ill, perhaps even commit suicide or hurt someone (they could get away with it because the court would say they were temporarily insane).
Someone once said that cheating doesn’t break relationships, it is finding out that does. It does because the other person has had their reality shattered and before that shattering, all was well. They had expected something wholeheartedly only to find out that it wasn’t so. It’s kinda the same reaction when you tell some people that we were formed by an intelligent alien race and you give them proof…nothing makes any sense anymore and I know it can be crazy. However it doesn’t have to be.
Polyamory allows for one person to be involved with multiple partners and you can see how that shifts reality for many people. This is because we like to own things and people. When we say this person is my own it means only I can access them in a certain way and the person should not allow (under any circumstance) access in that way by another person; else they are ‘cheating betraying sons/daughters of Hades’. It is either you are in love with one person or you fall out of love with them and love another person… I still think that is backward. If you can do that comfortably, then it’s great but restricting love (in any form) goes against everything universal laws stand for.
At this point I should say that yes there are deviants who just want to ‘do’ as many people as they can before they leave the planet. They lie and manipulate people into bed while in relationships, once their aim is achieved..they are done. There are others who have reached a deadend in their own relationship and are no longer happy hence they seek out someone else, this is also not the class of focus here. I am talking about the scenarios where in a happy relationship, one of the parties develops feelings for another person and is insane enough to say “I wonder where this road leads” and decides to be open about it to their current spouse new flame. But that’s just crazy right? like who does that? they must have a mental issue. I mean you can’t love more than one person per time…right?
In the past, parents owned their children, They told them where to go and what to do. Even in this day, many parents still ‘own’ their children. I have seen parents get into bitter arguments because of the person their child chooses to marry. These all stem from ownership. I agree that we cannot agree with everybody’s choices, but what makes us think that if it is not our own choice, there must be war? I get it, you may be right and the other person wrong but love would sound more like this “I don’t agree with what you are doing but I will defend with my life your right to do it”. Except that in these cases, you have no right to love another person, you have no right to marry that person and that is why there is war. Our rights have been stripped off us and when we say things like, please can you let me make my adult decision and learn from my mistakes? It is looked upon like we are saying they have no right to be upset. Everybody has the right to choose their emotions but the right to restrict another person’s actions is a grey area. Especially when the action in question is one that feels good and comes from a happy place…like a profession, like who to marry or who to show love to.
The bottom line is that they could come back heartbroken from that relationship but if they chose it from a place of love, then we have to trust that there were lessons there for them to learn. Our job is to guide people in love and not restrict them based on our own fears or sense of ownership. We are free to advise about the dangers but that love that locks a person in the basement so they don’t get in trouble outside is backward… I get it, we have all been taught to show love differently, we have been taught to receive love differently, but when your idea of love is becoming a restriction on another person’s rights, you may want to re-examine those ideas.
Finally, if you realize that you don’t have it in you to respect a person’s choice and you cannot live to see how it ends, then sever ties (harmoniously) with that person since they are such an anomaly in your reality.
There’s still a lot to say but let’s ask questions and sit in this line of thought a bit. I know it’s unconventional and I expect a lot of defensive questions in my inbox. But don’t hate me just yet… let’s talk and when I have enough words for a follow up article, I’ll publish it.
Till next time…